E-N-E-R-G-Y CRISIS

No, I'm not talking about the fact gas is 4.00 a gallon........ I'm talking about the FACT that I'm currently in the middle of an "Energy Crisis".... I'm simply put.... Wiped Out..... I was on the road by 4 a.m. and I'm "tireT" as my youngest would say.... :0)~

So after "chores" are done this evening I collapse into my recliner and go to Youtube to regain some mental stability....... I started off with watching some Rex Smith (do you guys remember him?) :::::Sigh::::::: ANYWAY it did absolutely nothing for me so I started doing some searching for "80's music".....

Then it HIT me........

A flashback from hades! LoL Bobby Brown - Every Little Step

Hoooooooly Hairspray Batman~ What memories that one brought back!

My mind shot back to the 80's and my best friend Michelle....... Not only did we worship this man we knew EVERY dance move in this video..... My Energy levels SHOT UP........

Ok Ok time to have some fun with the kiddos....... So I gather all 4 of them up and head for the family room....... I hook the laptop into the stereo and turn the video on and try to "teach" them some of their "Mamma's old dance moves"...... (this is where you all are supposed to start hysterically laughing) OR atleast this is where my teenage daughter started.........

The younger 3 were very cooperative.... and they were actually LOVING it...... that is until somewhere half way through the song...................... I decided I needed to stop before I had to call 911 (my oldest daughter had stopped breathing from laughing so hard)

Ok Ok..... let's try one more they will appreciate this one as it is constantly playing in my truck when we're driving....... So I click on Janet Jackson's "Alright"............... Everything was going JUST FINE until ................. the oldest notices her shoes in the video........

Once again she's in IMMEDIATE HYSTERICS....

MoooooooooooooooooooooM you have those shoes!!!!!!!! I'm thinkin Yeah so? I've had them for 17 years and they still look BRAND new.....

Then the lil "muffin" breaks out with I bet if I search your closet I find a pair of MC Hammer pants....

O gawd did she just REALLY go there?

Ben Gay...... Someone please send B-E-N Friggin GAY

Crazy Crazy Leptards! :0)~

So I haven't been able to do a blog in a day or two because my email's been POUNDED with a few psychotics ...... It was actually kind of "fun" in the begining...... I enjoyed going "round and round" (no pun intended) with the future prozac patients.....

:Sigh: but alas it's time to get back into the regularities of life and let the tards move on.....

But in the spirit of "ME" I have to get the last word in.... So enjoy the song ;)

Have a great wknd all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They've Lost Their Marbles....

It's that time again.... A rant about my Leps....... :shrug: I was reading an interview that Joe had with some newspaper over in Ireland..... Within that article he's talking about "who" they are touring with and "who" they refused to tour with...... Here's a quote from him....

"We refused to go out with Poison or Winger or Warrant or any of those shite bands,"

Ok...... Poison..... I'll give that one to him..... I'll also give him Warrant BUT Kip Winger? are you kidding me? (maybe he's jealous of his teeth I dunno) :0)~ "Headed for a heartbreak" is in my TOP 10 of all time favorite songs.... Simply put it ROCKS my socks.... AND for the record THAT song is alot better than the 70% of the SHITE my "Leps" are putting out these days.... (Yup you heard it I just criticised my "beloved Leps) Hell someone has to do it, I don't know who is feeding these guys the CRAP that this new agie - India- poppy style fits them but it DOES NOT.....

Quite honestly when I saw the leps on "Dancing with the Stars" I was a tad bit embarrassed..... I could have cared less that Joe lip synched but it was DWTS for gawds sake! BALLROOM DANCING + Def Leppard do NOT mix...

Back in the day I would "count the days down" for a new CD / LP from them..... Then after "slang" came out and the "new sound" was implemented I was kinda turned off..... Yet I remained loyal thinking they were going through a phase...... (well, I'm fed up now that "phase" is still going on and these guys KEEP turning out "poppy / new age SHITE"

In alot of ways I think they are only doing "what they have to" - to survive.... But to be honest in my opinion they are still living off the Pyromania, Hysteria and Adrenalize reputation and "fan loyalty".....

If I'm wrong...... someone tell me why they are only singing 2-3 songs from the NEW CD on their tour...... (hmmmmmm?)

I suppose if I could say anything I wanted to them I would tell them to go BACK TO THEIR ROOTS...... THEIR roots..... Not the sex pistols, beatles and david bowie....... I want to hear the DL I fell in love with in 1982...... Not the Dalai Lama SHITE..... (no offense to Dalai) :)

Oh and Joe? Get a HOLD of that Ego son...... Your 48 (almost 49) and "Gravity" is catching up with you...... APPRECIATE your fans and loose the BS attitude......

I know some of my "buddies" from the DL forum are going to see this.... and quite possibly Mal & Mark.......... and to you guys I say.............

Gawd I feel so much better..........

REMEMBER.......

It's better to BURN OUT than FADE AWAY!

THIS video is exactly WHY I remain a fan and still go to the concerts..... Give me the guitars that sing to my soul....... and the Drums that send me into a "Hysteria"....... and CUT THE SHITE OUT! :0)

A pain in my neck........ (literally) :P

Ya know what scares me? I'm UNDER 40 ::::::big smile:::::::: and I feel like there are day's that my body is just falling apart...... (If) this is happening now how the heck am I gonna feel in 10 years?!?!?

Yes, I have a couple of bad habits..... (don't we all?) but I also *try* to be concious about my health.....

For the past week or so I have been unable to turn my neck all the way to the left.... and I keep getting these intense "flashes" of pain..... I can't do "simple"/"normal" things like yawn without it almost putting me in tears from the pain....

I'm pretty sure it's some kind of pulled muscle, and I can tell you the exact moment it happened...... for some reason I woke up in the middle of the night and was turning my head on the pillow and felt a "snap" in my neck...... I remember thinking CRAP that's gonna hurt (then I went back to sleep) The next morning I couldn't turn my neck and the pain began.....

Hubby (being the gentle soul he is) has tried to get me to go to a chiropractor and I absolutely refuse...... (Sorry I hate em and I think their quacks) The thought of someone "manipulating my neck or back is enough for me to pull out the shotgun.....

I think I'll wait this one out for another week or two and if it doesn't get better, give my doc a call and end up spending another 2K trying to figure this one out.......

As I am blogging this I started thinking to myself just how unfair it is getting older....... While we're young..............we're too stupid to REALLY understand life...... and once we start aging and gaining perspective our bodies break down on us......

Kind of bizarre isn't it? Our mind expands while our body breaks........

It also just hit me how selfish I am being (and) how selfish the above thought is....... I'm quite sure any little one (child) who is suffering through a disease or terminal illness would be more than happy to go through this process of aging........

I think my mind just expanded a little bit and somehow this pain just doesn't seem significant anymore..........

Carpe diem

*Think*

I told one of my best friends today that I was going to have a T-Shirt printed on it that said nothing more than "Think"....

I doubt folks would "get it" because as usual with me it's *deeper* than just "Think"......

Awhile back either on this blog or my MS blog I wrote about the "Power of Words" It was a strong enough post that I think it needs re-visited....

I truly believe that 90% of the human race has NO clue the power a single word can hold..... We go day to day never giving our words a second thought...... Allowing them to "flow" without thinking how they could affect someone else (or) us.....

I want you to stop and think about something for a minute.......

When people get their way with others, they generally do it with words...... Power is generated by using the words in such a way that it triggers emotional responses within that person who hears or reads them.....

Do you realize how HUGE that is? Simple words contain a power that you can use to control, manipulate and persuade others without their knowledge of what you are doing!...... (although I do NOT advocate that unless it's with your boss and your sending subliminal messages for a raise) :::::::hi Carl:::::::

I remember the first time I heard my youngest daughter taunting my oldest son with the old "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me".... I'll be honest, I saw RED when I heard it.... I immediately pulled her aside, ask her where she had picked that one up and told her just how untrue that was..... Yes sticks and stones can break your bones.... but words can do something far more powerful..... wound your soul....

Because she is so young, I didn't expect her to understand so I knew I was going to have to dredge this back up at another time.......

Back to my "speech" :) Words create impressions, images and expectations..... Anyone in marketing or sales knows this.... (and if ya don't your in the wrong field)

At a meeting with a client sometime last year I kept listening to him tell me how *problematic* a certain situation was...... After about 100x of him repeating this.........I replied with......... Why are you seeing this as a problem instead of a challenge? Problems are "fixed", while challenges are "met" and in this situation a "goal" needed to be met.... NOT fixed....

He was astonished after the entire account turned around in 30 days by simply *switching* the mind set of buyers and associates..... by NO longer using the word "Problem" .........It was was a challenge..... and all of those involved dug in their heels and surpassed goals......

Simply put it was the use of poorly chosen words that almost killed this account...... The enthusiasm was down, self esteem had been impacted and people just did not want to *produce* results because they had no hope.....

I suppose I should end this before it turns into a book :0) so I'll leave you with...... Learn to harness your word power....... Make it WORK for you, and not against you......

THINK...............................

Summer Classes for Men

1 out of 10 forwards I get actually make me "Laugh" this is one of em...... My mom actually gets credit for this one :0)

Summer Classes for Men

THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

by Friday, August 17th 2008

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

Class 5

Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

Class 6

Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

Class 8

Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.

Class 11

Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

Class 14

The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

Azithromycin for the Soul........

Forget chicken soup it just doesn't work....... As you all know Lil guy (Logan) was pretty sick this past week...... and in the spirit of "Share and Share alike" he's managed to pass it on to Chloey and Tyler......

Same symptoms, same fevers same (everything) ..... and of course it ALWAYS gets worse on the wknds LOL

Our Doc isn't on call this wknd so I had NO clue who I'd be dealing with over the phone (never have spoken (or) seen this doctor before)

After calling the answering service........ The doctor on call.......... calls me back and low and behold she is BEYOND pleasant..... I told her we had seen Dan on Wed for Logan (after an ER trip to boot) and that I had been treating Ty and Logan with Rondec and Motrin/Tylenol and it just wasn't touching this and things were getting worse......

Without skipping a beat she tells me not to worry and will call in some Azithromycin for them.......

Holy Crap did she just say she'd call antibiotics in for my kiddos and I didn't even have to argue with her?

I'm FLOORED...... but also very pleased...... It's refreshing to have a doctor (other than mine) that actually LISTENS to the "mom"......... and cares enough about the kiddos to NOT let them suffer through because they are afraid of some type of stereotype from dispensing antibiotics.......

Not everything is a da*n virus and there are times that children just NEED them......
This is one of those times and I'm pleased my babies don't have to suffer through until Tuesday to get them.......

As for Logan he's 80% better..... (I'd say 100 but he's got a nasty cough) The fever is long gone tho.......

Someone PLEASE send my oldest daughter a memo NOT to catch this from her younger siblings.......

I'm off to check to see if the scripts are ready at the pharm.........

HACHOOOOOOO! :0)

T.G.I.F!

I knew there was no way I'd have time to do a blog today so I've put off talking to the pope this evening to do one (now) :0)

Every once in a while we are blessed enough to have someone come in our lives that touches us forever.... I suppose thinking about it I have been extremely blessed because I have alot of GOOD friends....

One in paticular lives about 8 hours from me.... and I love him dearly....

He sent the video below to me today via E-mail and it reduced me to tears.....

So in the spirit of "Friday's" I'm sharing this with all of you....... (with his blessing)

Hold each other close and never let go of the bonds you've formed.........

~Peace~

Mother of All Tables.........

Holy Table Cloth Batman............. call the Emperor who lost his clothes!

My cousin sent this to me via email and I haven't stopped laughing for 20 minutes (thus this blog)

The email is as follows: (My comments in red)

How can you tell this table is being sold by a man? And don't cheat either!! It's not hard to tell!!

So being the "visual" person I am I started scanning the room.... God it's full of "clutter" the table runner looks like a cheap paper towel, the blue candlesticks are an eyesore and match nothing.... (ok have I been critical enough yet) THOSE were my answers.... Simply thinking nothing matched...... Soooooo as the email instructed I scrolled down further.....

Can you solve this little riddle? First look and guess. You will find the answer below, but don't cheat!

Know the answer? If not, scroll down now.....

OK, Look in the mirror. Remember, if you are posting a picture on the world-wide web, WEAR CLOTHES when taking the picture.

HOOOOOOLY MOTHER OF ALL that is NOT sacred....... This has to be the funniest "Fwd" I have ever gotten......... and ya all thought I was "strange"......

Bwaaaaaaaahahahahaha!!!!!!!!

Can SUV's go to hell?!?!

Ya know how you always tend to "know" your vehicle? Well I think in this case the vehicle knows it's owner..... :)

I was on my way to Cleveland the other night and had the radio turned up bopping my head to a "All 80's radio station"

Corey Hart came on ( I wear my sunglasses at night) and I just happened to glance down at the radio and saw "ASSES AT NIGHT" I did a triple take, and started laughing hysterically...... I knew NO ONE would believe me so I became one of the twits I so often curse at and broke my camera phone out and snapped it....

I wonder if I should email Steven King and let him know I've found "Christine" and she's now in the form of a SUV

~PS~ Because I'm a lazy tart I'm actually copying this blog from my Myspace blog which I did a week or two ago..... One of the comments left on that blog was from my dear friend Linda who sent me a link to an AWESOME "re-do" of "Sunglasses at Night" GAWD I loved it and thought I'd share!!!!!!!!

But think twice.... That's my only advice......

Ok so I have come to the realization that I am a B*tch....... It's just plain and simple.... I try hard to be nice but "trying" isn't cutting it anymore.... Maybe it's simply I try too hard & put off some kind of attitude that leads people to believe that I can be run over & that I won't fight back.......I don't see it that way but that's what I've been told....

The strange thing is when that happens and I turn into a wilda beast......... folks often do a *double take* and I end up being "The B*tch" in the situation because I dared to stand up to them....

Today was a fine example of that.... My youngest son had to be taken into the ER earlier..... 104 Temp, etc. etc. I tried to keep my mouth shut and let the doctor do his job but when he comes back to me after examining my son for 45 seconds and tells me "It's a Viral" somehow I feel the need to shove his head up his rectum.....

I explain to him that Logan is prone to certain things and that I am very suspicious of an ear infection could he please check him again.... He didn't bother to and instead argued with me about my choice to not immunize my children, (Big EFFIN mistake buddy) Sooooo I went into "Son of Satan" mode and he lasted maybe 20 seconds before jogging out of the exam room :snort:

I then asked the triage nurse to call my pediatrician (GOD I LOVE MY PEDIATRICIAN) *Seriously he IS the best* he was double booked today and told me to take logan to the ER.... (ANYWAY)

Doc calls the ER doc within 5-10 minutes and asks him what is going on..... I can easily overhear ER docs side of the convo and he was NOT happy with Logan's doc.... 10 Minutes later I get discharge papers with "orders" stating that he is to go into his pediatrician within 48 hours....As I am talking to the nurse who is discharging us I again explain that I am very concerned that this is an ear infection with my lil guy and I don't want him to go through two days of misery..... (I was back to "Nice" mode) This twit then smiles and says "Well "Viral" can include an ear infection and Dr. XXXXX does not believe in prescribing anti-biotics for ear infections.... He feels they can be treated with love and attention"

All the time I am processing this in my brain with my lil guy sitting on my lap and then when he gets to that last part I think to myself... WTF did this moron just say to me.....

Love and Attention? Soooooo I angrily (but politely) explain to this germ of a being that my son gets enough love and attention for 10 children and that it obviously wasn't working to cure the Otitis Media........

That shut "it" up but I'm left this evening with a lil one whose temp is back to 103 and not himself..

It's gonna be a long night........ but then again..... that's what being a "Mommy" is all about.....

*Warning* Political Rant Ahead

It's no surprise that my favorite tree humper errrrr hugger is endorsing Obama tonight.....I'm anxiously awaiting Obama's announcement for "his" choice of VP... I highly doubt it will be "Dean" but the thought of that makes the intracranial pressure almost unbearable...

Back to Obama and George of the Jungle......

Gore sent a small note to the Obama camp stating........

"I intend to do whatever I can to make sure he is elected president of the United States."

O fer the love of gawd PLEASE PLEASE do everything you can to make sure he is elected president.....

You have a track record of REALLY "helping" candidates and I'm sure alot of folks really care what the hell you have to say..... Remember he's the IDIOT who endorsed Dean back in December of 03.....

Doesn't he have a tree to hug or another Internet to create?

Here's the problem....... I'm predicting right now that Obama *WILL* be the next US president..... (and believe me while saying that I have this incredible urge to vomit)

Obama has something McCain lacks..... Charisma, Charm and the "Kennedy Effect".....

What folks are forgetting is there is NO such thing as a "Political Saviour"

People are so desperate for change and instead of looking at the "leaders" they need to realize that the CHANGE starts within themselves....

Obama is not going to pay your bills, fill up your gas tanks and feed your children.....

Neither will McCain...... Honestly I can't stand either one of them..... and I'm angry..... DAMN angry that we are once again forced to choose between two people who really do NOT represent the average American...

High School Reunions....

Who goes to these things anyways? (Besides my friend Bill who has only sent me 14 reminders in 3 weeks that our :choke: 20 year reunion is coming up in August:

Thank's Bill, think you can send a daily reminder about taking my Geritol? (Crap scratch that because I KNOW you will) :)

Sure it would be nice to see some of the folks I graduated with.... But we are all so different now and there's just no recapturing my youth...... (Believe me I've tried)

I don't want to live in the past, I like my present and the future is only what I WANT it to be....

Somehow I am just not understanding the concept of how standing around with folks I haven't seen in 20 years..... and singing Michael Jackson tunes equates to a "good time".....

So instead I'm sticking to my original plan and going on "mini vacations" in August to see my Leps play..... (Yeah that's MATURE) and it's sooooooooo NOT an attempt to recapture my youth.....

I'm such a hypocrite

Now where the hell did I put those shredded jeans and British Flag...........

PS Remind me to check if these guys are opening up for them.... Gawd how I love Larry Gowan :)

Busy Busy Busy

This wknd has been hectic to say the least, my day started at 4 a.m. this morning and I was out the door by 4:45 driving to an outdoor venue to set some things up.. I *prayed* all the way that the weather channel was wrong and that things would just clear up.... But.... I think after every last stitch of me was soaking wet & I took on the appearance of a drowned rat it was somewhat clear that my translation of thunderstorm did not match the folks who do this for a living......

(When will I ever learn) :shrug:

After I decided that there was just no way to conquer nature I spent the rest of the day with relatives that were visiting for the wknd...

Late this afternoon we all decided to head to a Irish / American Fest (appropriate since we are Irish) :)

The music was incredible...... I keep forgetting how much I enjoy the "Fiddle" and Bagpipes..... Possible the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.... (Strange coming from someone who is known as a "rocker") :)

While I was there tonight listening to all of this it brought back alot of childhood memories......

For those of you with Irish families you'll understand this blog.... LOL The Irish "folk" tend to know how to throw a "shindig".... I could tell you a thousand stories that I've either witnessed or that have been passed down through the family about the "older" generation and their weekly "gatherings" at my great grandparents home.....

God I've really went on a bunny trail with this blog...... I guess what I wanted to say in the beginning was I feel "blessed" to have been able to spend today reminiscing and exposing my children to a little of their heritage.... (My youngest was also exposed to his first "elephant ear" which resulted in him turning into powdered sugar cube) but that's another blog :)

Now, I'm off to eBay...... I have determined myself to look for an old fiddle with character and history and start taking lessons so that when my children look back in 20-30 years they can smile about the "shindigs" their mommy once threw.....

There are some days.......

That I just hate my "industry"...... Today is one of them..... I got an email about an hour ago from a colleague / friend / old boss....

After working for the same company for 15 years they have decided to terminate her position and the *program* she was running... She (as she always does) accepted this with grace and sent out this email to thank all of (us)that she has worked with over the years and give us her new email..

At the close of the email (and this is truly how she is) she states

If there’s ever anything I can do for you, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

I really hope this company realizes what a true gem they have lost she is one of the top in my field AND she has a heart of gold...

The *sad* thing about all of this is I saw this coming and jumped ship about 3 months ago in order to keep this account with the "new direction" (IE) new company that this "company" chose to "try out".

Because of :ahem: "clauses" within my contract I could not say a word to any of my colleagues about what was going on.... (I'm actually very upset over that because I feel like I betrayed people I had worked with for years by not being able to give them advance notice of what was coming there way.......

"That" is just the way this "industry" is...... constant change and full of clauses..... ( I HATE that ) but I love my job so I tolerate the "shit" that goes with it....

I learned years ago that in this industry it's "here today and gone tomorrow" even if you are a top preformer you can loose an account in a second simply because of managerial changes and "who" knows "who"

Thankfully I'm at a point in my career that the "who" is now me and I know enough folks at corporate levels to save my neck when things like this happen....

It still just doesn't make it right...... and this will eat at me for a loooooong time.....

They're Baaaaaaaaaaaack......

Cute lil beasts aren't they?......... Well, they're cute until they rip your garbage open, eat your cats, eat your suet in bird feeders, kill the koi in your pond and try to attack you for chasing them off with a broom... (true story)

I'm sure I'll get alot of hate mail from some of you after this blog so feel free.... send away... (Somehow the raccoons bother me a lil more than typed words) :P

These lil boogers have INVADED my property...... I'm not talking 1-2 but 10-15 (and that's on a slow night) I live in the "boonies" have my own garden (GOD FORBID!) and every night these lil suckers start parading across my yard around 10:30 or so...... Mother's with babies included....

I have one that I have dubbed (Sir TubsAlot) simply because he is the BIGGEST "thing" I have ever seen..... He can't run he wobbles..... and he's actually quite "friendly" I don't mind him at all, he will sit at my door and wait for a "hand out"

THAT is probably the whole problem with this situation.... I have SUCKER written on my head and when we first moved here 2 years ago I had NO clue that "Country" raccoons were slightly different than "City" raccoons...

The difference? There's HUNDREDS..... In the city I had one lil guy that would come visit me on a nightly basis..... He'd sit on my front porch and wait for me to put food out....... He fell out of a tree about a year before we moved and the park rangers had to euthanize him.... :(

Sooooo when we moved here I was *thrilled* to see a mama coon and her babies go scurring across my back yard..... I decided to put some food out for the "poor lil things".... Never in a million years did I imagine that this beelzebub and her demon seed would summon the legions to my 4 acres.....

I quickly learned that I could not pretend to be Snow White any longer and haulted the "hand outs" EXCEPT to Sir Tubsalot..... (I can't resist him he's just to damn cute)

By the end of last summer I had lowered myself to sitting on the back porch at night with the water hose in hand and firing.... (it doesn't work so don't waste your time) The lil devils love water....

So I then switched to my mode of transportation AKA the "broom" :) I'd wait quietly until they got close enough and whack em in the rear.... That seemed to work until I whacked a "mama" who promptly turned on me stood on her back legs and made this gawd awful sound reminding me of the movie "Invasion of the body snatchers" NOT a good idea (unless ofcourse you have a gun in hand) and the babies that were with her? O good lord! Those lil things are VICIOUS...... cute..... but vicious......

Fast forward to this year...... I'm sitting here earlier tonight looking out my back patio doors and what do I see.... Another "Mama" and her 4 lil demon seed marching across my yard....... followed by another..... and another...... and another.... by 12 AM I had about 15 out back walking around my yard "picketing" for food....

Sooooooo I did what any "sane" person would do and let off a string of firecrackers..... (Yes my neighbors hate me already so it didn't matter) :)

THAT seemed to do the trick..... All of them scurried faster than Bill Clinton chasing a skirt.....

My "good" neighbors have told me to just shoot them..... I can't bring myself to do that.... I simply could not harm an animal unless it posed a threat to my family...

I'd love to set traps down (and relocate them) but I am afraid of trapping a "baby" and seperating it from it's mother....

I do know enough about these creatures that I realize if they are smarter than I am....... I think tho I may have solved my problem by writing this blog...... It occured to me that I can bait them away from my house by throwing "scraps" behind my neighbors garage :) (Yeah the neighor I "love") His garage is a good 2 acres away and I'm sure these nosely lil boogers will find there way to HIS house :)

Ahhhhh and I did it all without ambien! :)

AFNI Collection Agency

As most of you know I am a "Consumer Advocate" and frequent a consumer board (link to the right) :0)

I've been struck with a ton of collection calls lately for people I've never even heard of..... (Although I am begining to feel quite close to them as it seems on a daily basis I am getting calls for them)

The most recent call was this morning from a wonderful *agency* named AFNI..... (Yes I know *who* they are and I'm quite aware of their reputation..... They have called me a total of 14x in the last month or so wanting to speak to a (insert name here) NOT me...

So this morning I decided Ok.. Enough is Enough I've played nice and pressed the 4 button and explained they had the wrong number 13x so I'm done.......

I grabbed my recorder which I leave by the phone and answered..... The following was the taped conversation :)

:::::::Phone Rings:::::::::

Me Hello

AFNI: (Automated Dialer/ Pre-recorded Message ) If this is XXXXXXX please press 1, if this is NOT XXXXXXXXX press 4 to repeat this message press #

Me: (Press 1 because I've told these dolts to remove me 13 times)

AFNI Agent: May I speak to Colleen?

Me: No she's currently sitting on the toilet

AFNI Agent: Excuse me?

Me: I said she's on the toilet...... She had cabbage ........it ran right through her

AFNI: Is this Colleen?

Me: No it's not and I don't know who this woman is.... I've told you guys 13x to not call my home that this person does not live here so I think I'm just going to start inventing stories about her for my entertainment

AFNI: Maam do you realize that this is not a joke and this is an important business matter?

Me: Maam do you realize that your taking up my valuable time and forcing me to get off my rear everytime you call.......

AFNI: Is this Colleen?

Me: Do you have a problem with the english language?

AFNI: Excuse me?

Me: I said ..........Do You Speaka English

AFNI: I think you are Colleen and I think your avoiding your debt

Me: Well why don't you tell me about this debt and violate the FDCPA and 3rd party disclosure

AFNI Have a good day maam

Me: One more thing

AFNI Yes?

Me: Remove my number and do NOT call my home again..... You are hereby put on notice that this call was recorded and if your auto dialer reaches out to my home again I will be seeking damages...... This is highly inconvienant and I'm tired of it....

AFNI : :::::::::CLICK::::::::::::

Ten Bux says they will call tomorrow.... and when they do..... I think "Mistress Colleen will be with one of her submissives practicing bondage.... (yah sounds like a good story line to me)

Greenpeace and WingNuts.......

I'm not going to *generalize* and say *all* liberals hate SUV's because quite frankly that would be innacurate... I'm not even sure that you can *type* a person that bitches about SUV's... (other than the term "nosey & busy body" I just don't think it's possible....

I recently read a post on a Greenpeace forum thread and the title was "Why I hate SUVS" I got a real kick out of this nut job....

She claimed the following....

1. By driving my vehicle of choice I am polluting the earth and slowly killing it.... (Yet in another post she admitted to using aerosol cleaners and hair spray)

2. By driving my vehicle of choice I am making it un-safe for other drivers as the SUV is to large and she can't see around it... (Uhhhm as I pointed out to her if YOU are having a problem navigating your vehicle then it is YOU who are making it unsafe for other drivers..... (somehow she didn't understand that one)

3. By driving my vehicle of my choice I am putting my children at risk because of the poor safety rating.... (I attempted to point out to her that I was in somewhat of a nasty tip over situation a year and a half ago and EVERYONE involved getting my SUV out of the situation told me that if I would not have been driving what I was driving we WOULD have went over)... so again a flawed theory..

She ended her post with the following.....

PEOPLE WE NEED TO STOP THEM!!!!!!!! BEFORE IT IS WAY TOO LATE!!!!!!!!

To which I replied.....

Dearest Tree Hugger.....

Did you know that the average person uses 57 sheets of toilet paper per day? That's 20,805 sheets per year or more than 50lbs. for each and every American!

That adds up to more than 100,000,000 rolls of toilet paper per day in America alone!

You start wiping with leaves and I'll consider getting a Volkswagon....

Til then Happy Wiping........

What does the USPS Stand For?

I'm begining to think it stands for the United States PostalSlackers

We live in a rural area..... a place where folks still hold the doors open for others and actually use the word "Thank You"..... Around here you would think that a postal route would be a piece of cake..... After all the only thing you have to do is (sort) and then sit in your car and open boxes to deliver..... Your not treading through 5 feet of un-shoveled snow, and walking mile after mile everyday...

Well, that's just not the case...... I have decided to elect my postal carrier for the Most Incompetant Worker of the Year award...... She's just downright LAZY and has pushed every last button I have....

The final straw to this (mess) was when my paycheck from one of my clients was delivered 3 miles away to a gentleman who THANK GOD decided to be nice and bring it to me....

We've had several incidences over the past two years.. IE Credit card bills, Medical bills, Cards, and even a 342.00 package being delivered to neighbors.... I could understand the occasional OOPS..... But this happens on a weekly basis.....

Yes..... I've talked to the "local" office...... and told by the supervisor that I needed to have more "patience" she was doing the "best she could do"

Patience? Are ya effing kidding me?!?!? (BTW) the *supervisor* just happens to be her SISTER.....

Soooooo after the paycheck delivery happened I called the regional branch and spoke with them....... I was told there that they didn't like to get involved in disputes like this and to try to work it out....

To which I replied.... Lemme guess your her brother?!?!? (So maybe I shouldn't have done that) :shrug:

I'll give her ONE more chance..... but the next time anything of importance goes "missing" or is "delivered" to someone else?

It's ON.........

Ambien, Oreo's and The Pope.......

It's 1:51 A(flippin)M and my second blog in one night so ofcourse I am going to talk about the very thing I am trying to avoid taking tonight!

Good Ole Ambien.... I've always had problems sleeping.... (even as a child) and I can safely say that the one thing I am extremely envious of are those folks that can literally have their heads hit the pillow and be out for the night...... (my husband is one of those *freaks* of nature) and I sometimes have this insane desire to hook up battery cables to his toe nails and zap him awake as I lay there listening to him snore.....

It's not that I am "not" tired...... Most nights I am just flat out exhausted but my mind just does NOT want to quit..... Even when I do *eventually* fall asleep there are times I will make up in the middle of the night and run to my sketch pad and design the next quarters presentations for my clients.... So somehow I am thinking that even while "asleep" my mind is still going...... :shrug:

Finally, in 07 I went into see my doctor about this and he prescribed AmbienCR for me.....

HOLY CRAP what an amazing difference...... Instead of running to my sketch pad in the middle of the night I now sleep walk to the pantry, grab the Oreo's and eat them by the handful....

I had *small* signs that something was going on as I kept finding crumbs here and there and the cookies were disapearing...... I ofcourse blamed the munchkins and *thought* they were sneaking snacks..... Then finally one night I woke up in my kitchen...... Oreo's in one hand and a diet coke in the other (lovely combo eh?) I remember thinking W.T.H........

The only other two incidents that I find *amusing* have been those that hubby has told me about (I literally have no memory of them)

He *claims* that I sat up in bed one night and had a very long conversation with the Pope...... (I'm not catholic) so WHY the pope I have no clue........

The other incident involves me wandering around our bedroom (running into walls) and eventually walking into our walk in closet just standing there...... Hubby *says* he asked me what I was doing and my reply was something to the effect of "Where did you put the toilet" ( I was one door away from the bathroom in our bedroom)

I tend to believe him that I've pulled all of these stunts as I've woken up with several bruises that I didn't have the day before..... My guess is those damn walls that I keep running into....... BUT why the heck can I actually accomplish walking down a flight of stairs to the kitchen and EAT oreo's yet not manuever myself around a wall?

Crap..... maybe while sleep "talking" I've given away my secret desire of zapping him and he's now doing that to me....

ANYWAY........ I'm doing my best to stay away from the stuff simply because it scares the crap out of me.......

However...... I'm desperate for sleep so I think it's time to go talk to the pope again.........

G'night........

*Hiccup*

Soooo I was extremely board today and decided to actually *read* the blurbs on AOL.... One in paticular caught my eye...... "See how the presidential candidates live".....

Ok..... this should be *interesting* :::::click:::::: the first thing that pops up is Obama's home..... Fairly modest.... I can't say that it's a mansion (nor) can I say it's the "average" American home.... (Well unless ofcourse the average American dedicates enough square footage to "house" a 1000 bottle wine cellar.....

This somehow concerns me....and to be quite frank pisses me off.... Did this man NOT say....

We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times... and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK. That's not leadership. That's not going to happen.

Oh but we CAN have a 1000 bottle wine cellar in our home?

Another one of his quotes that I just loooooooooove is......

What Washington needs is adult supervision

And Mr. Obama do you expect to do that while sipping on your bottles (or) will you be passing them out to our "leaders" while they (once again) throw the taxpayers money away while holding yet another useless congressional hearing about why toe nails grow.......

If it's not abundantly clear by now..... I simply can't stand the man....

Never fear tho...... Hillary and McCain are in the same (dislike) boat.....

Which brings me to a "picture" one of my online buddies sent me via email the other day.......