I ran into my "dad" a couple of weeks ago while I was working, & although I've tried to stifle the emotions it's renewed ...... I'm having a really hard time "letting it go".....
I think the thing that bothers me the most is I really thought I was done being angry at this man..... I had made the decision to put it behind me, and put him out of my head....... That seemed to last a few years..... ((And believe me THAT was hard to do........ I look in the mirror and I see his eyes.... (mine)
So although the negativity was......."put away"...... I have a daily reminder of "where" I come from......... every time I look at me...... And..... maybe, just maybe that is why I *hate* looking at pictures of myself......
I won't open myself up to him, and allow him to hurt my children the way he has me........ But I have made the decision to break this evil / vicious cycle and let the "hate" go......
I don't know how I am going to do it.......... but......... somehow I have to get enough courage to walk up to him and let him know that I forgive him.......... and.......... if and when he needs me I'll be there for him .......
I suppose in alot of ways I'm being selfish because I'm really not doing this for him....... I'm doing it for *me* and to *prove* to me that although I have his genetics...... I am not him...... and I've chosen a very different path than he took.....
Happy Birthday "Dad"......... I've always thought of you on this day, and I probably will continue until the day I die........ I wish things could have been different.......and I wish just once...... I could have heard you say I love you..........
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3 comments:
You are not allowed to make me cry this early in the morning! You should have told me about this Mis. I love you and you have a heart of gold.
I wont take my typical approach and tell you that your wrong. I'll just tell you, that you are an incredible person and you should know that, surround yourself with the positive. We are a phone call away and I think you would know that there are about 12 people in this office that would be on a plane within an hour if you needed us.
You are adored my friend
I swore Id never cmmnt on a blog and leave it to you to make me feel the need to cmmnt. Emerson said “The fundaments of a person are not in substance, but in spirits.” U are a very wealthy lady. And it is my pleasure to be your friend.
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