Ohhhhhhh My GAWD.....

I wanna start this blog off by saying THANK GOD my Sherriffs Dept. has a GOOD sense of humor....... I was on my way back home from a show today and I turned off the "main" highway to a side road to get to my house, glanced over and saw this "woman" driving her lawn tractor.... I did a double take because I didn't see a "shirt" and there it was....... NO TOP, NO BRA..... NOTHING (except for a pair of red shorts..... I literally almost wrecked my SUV.... I went into hysterics (literally CRYING from laughing so hard) hit the speed dial # for one of my best friends (who happens to be one of my neighbors and I managed to get out the following sentence before I literally hyperventilated from laughing so hard........

WHERE THE HEEEEEEEELL ARE YOU THERE'S A NAKID WOMAN ON XXXXX ROAD!!!!!!

Finally we both managed to stop laughing for a minute and she said Mis you better call the sherriff she might be drunk and that's a main road there's alot of kids that are going to see that..... "Ok" I'll call.....

Sooooooo I call them and I started the conversation out with....."I really don't even know how to begin this conversation" The lady that answered was an absolute sweetheart and said "Well just tell me"....... So I did the best I could composing myself and said.... "I'd like to report a woman mowing her lawn partially nude"......

"Is this a joke" <-- her reply...

Which sent me even further into hysterics..... But again garbled out O NO NO NO I swear to God Here's my name, address and phone number you can call me back to verify ALL of the information......(She did) I think she thought I was inhebriated or a "kid" playing a prank...... But still she remained ABSOLUTELY 100% pleasant...and even began to joke around with me while taking the report.....

I hung up with her...... came in the house and called my mom to tell her that I had decided to move back into the city because the folks out here were just as crazy..... (Mom went into hysterics also when I told her)

About 30 minutes goes by and I get a phone call that shows up as "private" I answer and it's the lady from the sherriff's office...... The following is "close" to what the conversation was.... I was laughing so hard by her 2nd sentence that I can't guarantee 100% accuracy.....

"Hello is this Missy"

Yes it is.... Who is this?

This is XXXXXXXX from XXXXXXX County Sherriffs office..... I just wanted to let you know that the woman is a MAN....

Me- WHAT!?!?! (Uncontrollable laughter)

By that time she was laughing as hard as I WAS!!!!!! So we both finally got it under control and I apologized profusely and she said NO NO it's ok the officer that was dispatched to the location came to the same conclusion you did until he verified her (excuse me) HIS identity...

Well, I have this HUGE problem with sometimes just BLURTING out what I am thinking before THINKING about what I am saying and before I knew what was coming off of my lips I said...... How did he check "HIS" identity did he pull his shorts off?

Weeeeeeeeeell that sent her OVER the roof she was HOWLING..... (God I hope they don't tape those conversations that will be the biggest flippin blooper of the year)

We finally hung up after laughing and chatting just a few more seconds and then it occured to me.....

O GAWD I probably just TOTALLY squashed this "lawnmower man / person's feelings and it was NOT intentional..... Guys I swear to you...... I in 1000000 MILLION years would have NEVER EVER........ NEVER even GUESSED that this was a guy.....

HOLY MOTHER OF JOHN DEER!!!!!!!!!

Although I feel bad...... I just can NOT stop laughing......