AFNI (Take Two)

All has been quiet since my last blog about these idiots............ That is until this morning........ The following is the typed transcription of the recorded call...... I am actually thinking about posting this one on youtube.....

::::::Phone Rings::::::::::

Me: Hello~

AFNI: (Automated Message and then a please hold)

Me: Switching the tape recorder on....... Thinking Cripe here we go again......

AFNI Agent: Good Morning, May I speak to Colleen Please?

Me: Colleen Who?

AFNI: Colleen XXXXXX

Me: Who?

AFNI: Colleen XXXXXXX

Me: Can you spell that please?

AFNI Colleeen X-X-X-X-X-X

Me: I'm sorry can you repeat that?

AFNI: Colleen X-X-X-X-X-X

Me: No No Colleen how do you spell that?

AFNI: C-O-L-L-E-E-N

Me: And the last name was?

AFNI (getting pissy now) I told you the last name was XXXXXXX

Me: And can you spell that again please?

AFNI: Maam Is Colleen there?

Me: Define "There"

AFNI: Is this Colleen?

Me: No, would you like to talk to her?

AFNI: Yes Maam, call her to the phone

Me: Can you say please?

AFNI: Is this Colleeen?

Me: What's your name?

AFNI: My name is not important, Is Colleen there?

ME: Bless your heart, YOU are very important and so is your name!

AFNI: Maam I don't have time for this is Colleen there?

Me: Would you like to speak to her?

AFNI: Yes

Me: Say Please?

AFNI: (mumbles something that I can't understand)

Me: I'm sorry can you repeat that

AFNI: This is ridiculous

Me: Yes it is.........

AFNI: I think your Colleen

Me: No maam that's not the name on my birth certificate

AFNI: (Reads Miranda (debt collector blah blah blah)

Me: Am I under arrest?

AFNI: You may be maam, you have a balance of 1, 493.22 how would you like to make that payment?

Me: Why am I under arrest and why do I owe you 1400 dollars? Do you have furry hand cuffs?

AFNI: (pause) You can't not pay on your bills maam and expect to get away with it

Me: What bill did I default on?

AFNI: How would you like to make your payment maam?

Me: What's my Address?

AFNI: (reads an address to me that's 40 miles away)

Me: You do understand that I am not Colleen don't you? And that I have told your agency on several occasions that I am not.

AFNI: Oh your colleen

Me: I am huh?

AFNI: Yes Colleen

Me: Can I have your registered agents name please?

AFNI: My what? (then silence) and then I hear her say "THIS IS FRUSTRATING THE SHIT OUT OF ME"

Me: I quietly laugh (but you can hear me on the tape) I couldn't help it!!!!! ROFL

AFNI: Why are you laughing

Me: I (laugh) can't help it

AFNI: This is not a laughing matter maam, this is serious we can garnish your wages from XXXXXXXXXX company

Me: (I'm really laughing now)

AFNI: (mumbles) you've got to hear this, this woman is laughing

Me: Oh you've gotta stop I am gonna get the hiccups PLEASE PLEASE

AFNI: Maam I have no choice I- I - I am going to refer this to our legal department

Me: Is the attorney handsome?

AFNI: What?!?!?!

Me: Well is he? Or is it a she?

AFNI: I- I dont' know

Me: You don't know who is in your legal department?

AFNI: Maam how would you like to pay your bill today?

Me: It's not my bill....... Do you like Def Leppard?

AFNI: WHO?!?!?

Me: Def Leppard..... You've never heard of them?

AFNI: Maam are you, are you on some type of medication?

Me: Why Yes, Yes I am.... I take Ambien CR How about you? Do you sleep well at night? Can we talk about those furry handcuffs again?

AFNI: Is this Colleen?

Me: Do you want it to be?

AFNI: (muttering) something but I can hear the word CRAZY

Me: So ya think I'm crazy huh?

AFNI: Ummm No, No maam

Me: Know what I think? I think you just wasted almost 5 minutes of your collection time with someone who has repeatedly told you that I am not Colleen XXXXXXX and I also think that your skip tracers should be FIRED

AFNI: What?

Me: I'm sorry but I have things to do today so my play time with you is over, have a good day...

AFNI: Maam? Maam?

Me: :::::::::CLICK:::::::::::